Dating a former heroin addict
You may meet your PIR while they are in the midst of working Steps Four through Ten and be curious about what this "amends making" is all about.
I was so unfamiliar with the Twelve Steps that I didn't know enough to ask Steve about them or if he had done them.
There is no right or wrong way to do this Step, and those who work it don't stop to try to figure out why they did what they did--they merely make a list in whatever way works best for them, trying to be as "searching and fearless" as they can be.
My friend Paul told me about helping PIRs make "resentment lists." He said at first they'll say "heck no, I don't have any resentments," until they actually start listing the people and things that make them angry.
They work on taking responsibility for the harm they have caused others, and acknowledge the harm that others have caused them.
Ultimately, these Steps are about asking for forgiveness and forgiving others.
But the Steps are especially useful if you dating a PIR, because the skills you learn from the Steps may be helpful in your relationship.
Step Four asks people to make "a searching and fearless moral inventory" of themselves.